May Mayhems
by mat528
Summary: Another story featuring the female Master and 10. Slightly AU.
1. Chapter 1

MAY MAYHEMS

**A/N: This is continuing my female Master and Doctor 10 stories. It is a sequel to "April's Fools". **

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything—only the Beeb does. I am not making any profit from this.**

CHAPTER ONE

The Doctor took a wrench shaped device and started tinkering with his TARDIS. He had commanded the old girl to play some Jefferson Airplane as he worked, but after a moment, the centuries old Time Lord sighed. Why, oh why, had he told Martha, Donna and Rose that they could go out without him? As bad as it could sometimes get with three, young females in his ship, he missed their banter, and he even missed their practical jokes they played on him. He was so bored, he could almost scream. Tossing the wrench like device in a tool box, the Doctor decided he'd walk outside and see what mischief he could find, or create himself. He breathed the fresh, crisp London smog of a night in May as he strolled past several buildings. He was about to walk past some more buildings when he saw a familiar face. Across the street from where he stood, Koschei adjusted her jacket—this one a dark blue leather, form fitting one. Her leather pants hugged her now-female hips. Although the Doctor rarely succumbed to being sexually attracted to the opposite sex, he found himself looking at the formerly-male Time Lord in a new light. He also saw a golden opportunity which had just landed in his lap.

Clearing his throat, the Doctor cried in a loud voice, "hello, sweetie! Did you miss me?"

The Master's cold, blue eyes turned toward the sound of that voice. She moaned softly as she caught sight of the Doctor, who was crossing the street to stand in front of her.

"What the hell are you _doing _here?!" She shrieked. "I thought you had to go back to your old universe before this one closed."

"I have about three Earth months before that happens, give or take…" the Doctor answered, "so I decided to spend those three months with Rose."

"Oh, the child," the Master said dismissively. "How you ever managed to be attracted to her, I will never know. But then, how you can be so attracted to Earth people in general always mystifies me!"

The Doctor smiled wolfishly, ribbing, "What's the matter, darling? Jealous?"

"Hardly," the Master returned dryly. "I am her superior in every way that counts: physically, mentally, emotionally. There's nothing to be jealous about, is there?" The Doctor's grin grew wider as he noticed the Master's eyes blazing as she talked.

"Weelll," the Doctor commented, "mentally and emotionally, you don't quite measure up; however, in the _physical _department…" the Doctor paused to focus on the Master's chest, which heaved with anger, "I would say your 46 D sized breasts have Rose's beat, an' that's saying something!"

"I do _not _have a size 46 D chest!" the Master snarled. She glanced down to verify her assertion, and then looked back up at the Doctor.

"This body is smaller and currently serves my needs for a time," she defended, starting to turn away.

"I'm sure it does…" the Doctor said, following close behind. "In fact, I'm sure you are just as physically daunting as you were in a genuinely Gallifreyan body! Of course, despite the fact that you probably haven't changed overmuch, there's something I'll bet your now-human body can't do." The Doctor walked away from the Master. The Master turned around, seeing her enemy departing. She told herself that she was better off not knowing what scheme the Doctor had in mind, but then, curiosity got the better of her.

"What can't it do?" she yelled, running after him. The Doctor walked quickly back toward his TARDIS. As he'd hoped, Koschei followed until he let both of them into his console room. "What can't it do?" she asked again.

"Oh, it's nothing…forget I mentioned anything," the Doctor said, grabbing his tool chest and fiddling with his wires. The Master came up to him and viciously snatched the tool chest from the pinstriped Time Lord.

"Hey!!" the Doctor protested, looking up at her.

Koschei stared at her nemesis, but the Doctor told her, "use that ice-freezing stare on someone who's easily intimidated."

"If you don't tell me what I wish to know," Koschei promised, her eyes fixing him with a deadly gaze, "I'll make your life a living hell!"

"Is that supposed to be a threat, or a promise, or…is it just your subtle way of saying how much you longed to see me again?" the Doctor breathed in a mock-seductive voice.

The Master rolled her eyes, saying, "a thousand millennium away from you wouldn't make me miss you!" When she detected a hint of longing in the Doctor's brown eyes, the Master said victoriously, "Ahhh! I get it! All this is because you were bored, right? You wanted me to keep you company!"

"Actually…" the Doctor started, and then finished, as he patted his pocket, "my homing beacon's receiver told me you were in the area, and I decided to coax you away from your latest plan to take over Earth!"

"'Homing beacon'"? the Master asked incredulously. "If you have a homing beacon in your pocket, then I'm Groucho Marx!"

"You doubt my sincerity, Groucho?" the Doctor mocked, growing slightly annoyed.

"Yes, I do," Koschei replied. "If you _really_ had one, you would have found me right after your little April prank you pulled. It is now the second week in May and I haven't left this universe. What took you so long to find me? Got stuck in time travel traffic?" The evil Time Lord/Lady turned to leave. The Doctor took out some glasses from his pocket, and a bottle of some very dark blue colored wine. The Master turned back when she heard a fizzling sound.

"Remember that thing I said your human body couldn't do?" the Doctor asked. "Well, I'm willing to bet that you can't hold down your liquor, especially one glass of Denivian wine." He held out one bubbling glass to her.

The Master snatched it, saying, "Oh, yeah? I'll show you! I can out drink you any day of the week!" They made their way to the pool room with the bar.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

(Three hours later, on board the Doctor's TARDIS…)

The Master's eyes glazed over as she drank her twentieth, or was it twenty-first, shot of wine. The Doctor's eyes were red rimmed, and his shirt was partly opened as he downed his glass.

"Tell me, Koschei…" the Doctor slurred. "Why do you like controlling things? I mean, isn't it better to sometimes be surprised by it all, rather than havin' everyone at your call an' beck?" The Doctor frowned, correcting himself, "I mean beck an' call." He hiccupped loudly, pouring himself another glass.

"Nope," Koschei slurred. "I'd rather not be disappointed. I don't like being frus…" the Master stopped as she tried to put some words together. "Frus…" she tried again. "Frust-a-ted." She giggled as she burped, and then downed another glass.

"You, frustrated?" the Doctor queried, hiccupping again. "I know I frustrate you, but…"

"Yeah, you did!" the Master accused. "You left Gallifrey jus' when things got interesting between us! I never got over it, an' don't think I didn't try!"

"That had nothing to do wi' you!" the Doctor defended, drinking another glass. He burped before continuing. "I left because I had to. Jus' had to get away…see everything, and you said you wouldn't leave, so I…"

"You left with Susan, and then it became an endless parade of friends, and would be girlfriends…how do you think I felt, being replaced by inferiors like them?!" the Master shouted. "I was so ticked at you that I struck out at them any way I could, by either controlling them, or doing away with them!"

The Doctor sobered somewhat at that statement. "I'm sorry…I didn't mean to hurt you," the Doctor replied in a more sober voice.

The Master shoved his hand away, snarling, "Don't. I don't want you to feel sorry for me. Besides, it's too late for us, anyway."

The Doctor shook his head, saying, "It's never too late for former friends to mend their fences."

The Master stood up from the table, saying, "Look…just to surprise you, I hereby christen you winner of our little game. You can hold more liquor than I can." She swayed violently. The Doctor rose, standing behind her. The Master put a hand to her head, murmuring, "feeling…dizzy." She fell on the carpeted floor with the Doctor still holding her. He set her gently on her back, and hearing her snoring, started leaving the pool room when he felt dizzy. He fell on the floor beside her.

(Three more hours later…)

Rose Tyler, Donna Noble and Martha Jones walked into the TARDIS dressed to the nines with scowls on their faces. "How was I to know there were scanks at that club?" Donna snapped to her two friends.

Rose took off her high heeled shoes. "You're older than we are, aren't you?" Martha asked Donna. "You're supposed to know where all the good lookin' men are."

"Is it my fault it was 'ugly men's day' at the bar we went to?" Donna protested. She pulled a tissue out of her clutch bag and started removing some makeup.

"We should have gone with the Doctor," Rose said. "At least we could have had some fun!"

"Wi' him trying to hog the spotlight and offering side comments about any men we might have tried to pick up?" Donna replied snidely. "No thanks."

Martha looked around the console room as she divested herself of her silver hued heels. "Say," she asked, "where is he, anyway?"

"Maybe he's out getting a spare part for the TARDIS," Rose said, removing her pink leather jacket. She threw it over her shoulder, saying, "anyone want to drown their sorrows in some chips?"

"Sounds good," Martha responded. They all walked past several rooms, when Rose backed up to the pool room as she caught sight of something out of the corner of her eye.

Martha and Donna looked on as she gasped. She ran into the pool room as Donna asked, "What is it?" Rose pointed to the Doctor and the Master, the former's arms wrapped around his insane enemy; the latter looking content as she snuggled closer.

"Well, at least _somebody _had a good night around here," Donna commented wryly. She made her way to a little refrigerator, where a container labeled, "chips" was. She placed the container in the small microwave oven and heated it up.

Martha and Rose exchanged looks. They both remembered the female Master from their dealings with the brat "the Child" and weren't looking forward to seeing her again. So why was the Doctor so eager to be with her? Rose poked the Doctor's side.

The Doctor murmured, then opened one eye. When he saw Rose and Martha glaring at him, and looked down at Koschei, who still slumbered, the 903-year-old looked like a kid with his hand caught in the cookie jar.

"Hullo, ladies," the Doctor greeted, now fully sober. He gestured to the Master, trying to placate both women. "This really isn't what it looks like!"

"It looks to me like someone was snoggin' the enemy, that's what it looks like!" Martha replied hotly.

"I can see where you might think that, but believe me, _nothing happened," _the Doctor said. "We both got drunk and we passed out, is all!"

Just then, the Master started to wake up. She rubbed the Doctor's ears, apparently lost in an erotic dream. "_Ra'anni, s'lo sto'machk'see!" _she mumbled, which the TARDIS translated as, "Rani, take me away!" She felt the Doctor's hairy hand on hers, and then sat bolt straight up.

"Rassilon's beard!" she exclaimed, jumping up from her comfortable position. The Doctor got up and stood beside her.

"I dunno why everyone's getting their curls too tight about this," Donna commented, her mouth full of chips. "I mean, they look cute together!"

"'Cute' is not the word _I'd _use!" Rose said, feeling extremely jealous.

"Right with you there, Tyler," Martha agreed.

The Doctor and the Master looked at each other; they both had a slight loss for words, but then the practical joke playing Time Lord winked at her. Before she could respond, the Doctor said, "you're right, Rose…you and Martha and Donna caught us. We couldn't help ourselves. You know how it is between us Time Lords. I mean, it's not as though my people are left, and I do need to bond with my own kind. So when Koschei dropped in, her bosom heaving, her succulent lips parting with such an invitation, I couldn't resist."

The Doctor fondled Koschei's long, blonde hair, adding, "There's something about this female persona that's too hard to ignore, isn't that right, baby doll?"

Koschei glared at the Doctor, but she said, "Yes, Dockey-poo…and I came to realize that I care for you as deeply as you care for me. Even if, say, you should become horribly disfigured for the rest of your incarnations by a temporal accident accidentally caused by yours truly, I will _never _leave your side!" Her fingers pulled the Doctor's big hair a little too harshly. The Doctor winced inwardly, but his outer face was one of calmness.

"Of _course _you wouldn't, prickly-pear," the Doctor told the Master, staring at her with an angry gaze. "But…well, I suppose we should put this relationship to bed."

"Ooohhh, really?" the Master purred. She stroked the Doctor's cheek, saying, "I can't tonight, _dear._" The other occupants of the TARDIS failed to see the Master putting her hands on a small device. As she activated the switch, she disappeared, her voice growing softer as she said, "it's been fun, really…but I have galaxies to conquer. Catch me if you can!"

"No…wait!" the Doctor cried as Rose and Martha advanced on him finally. "Take me with you!" he pleaded.

The Doctor ran out of the pool room as Rose and Martha gave chase. Donna munched on her chips, thinking, _guess Rose was right! The Doctor is more fun than 100 blokes put together!_

THE END


End file.
